Three Readers. Three Dilemmas. One Questionable Adviser.
Welcome to Asking for an Alt, where virtual lives come with real dilemmas, and everyone swears they’re asking for a friend.
“He Drops Beats. I Get Dropped.”
From: Mr. Right Swipe, Left alone
Dear Asking,
Why Do Women Say They Want a Nice Guy, Then Date the DJ?
I open doors, compliment her outfits, remember her favorite color, and send good morning messages so sweet they could cause a diabetic episode. Meanwhile, some DJ in leather pants grabs a microphone, calls her “sexy” in front of 47 people, and suddenly she’s planning their virtual honeymoon.
I’ve invested time, attention, and enough compliments to qualify for a customer loyalty card. He plays two remixes and gets a lap dance.
What am I doing wrong? Should I buy a microphone, learn to say “Make some noise!” or just start wearing leather pants?
Signed,
Mr. Right Swipe, Left alone
Dear Left alone,
Congratulations. You’ve discovered one of Second Life’s oldest mysteries: the nice guy spends three weeks building an emotional connection, while the DJ says “Who’s ready to get naughty?” and leaves with a girlfriend.
Here’s the problem: you’re treating dating like a rewards program. Ten compliments, five thoughtful IMs, and a virtual door opened should not equal one free girlfriend. That’s not romance. That’s a punch card.
Stop auditioning for Boyfriend of the Year. Be interesting, have a little confidence, and remember that being nice is the starting point, not your entire personality.
As for the microphone? Buy one if you have something interesting to say. Leather pants are optional, but apparently confidence comes with the DJ package.
And if she still chooses the DJ? Let her go. You deserve someone who wants to dance with you, not someone who only remembers you exist when the DJ takes a bathroom break.
Behind The Sunglasses – Unofficial Relationship Expert. Officially Not Responsible for Your IM History.
Asking for an Alt
“Premium Package… Demo Performance!”
From: Tempted by the Stick Shift
Dear Asking,
My partner and I are still in our newlywed phase. Our personalities mesh so beautifully and we vibe perfectly together, however, I have a pet peeve that is starting to build up about him. He has this pixel bit that looks so promising and girthy. It gets me really excited.
When we get on the balls to start, it really turns me on. Sadly, that turns out to be the most exciting part of it all, since his emoting skills are not really very good. He also doesn’t need much time on the balls before he is done and I am left breathless and frustrated.
I love my partner, but he is driving me wild with unfulfilled needs. How can I fix this?!
Signed,
The Stick Shift is Now Tempting Me.
Dear Tempted by the Stick Shift,
Darling, you’re hoping for a scenic drive, and your husband is treating the honeymoon like a timed lap. You haven’t adjusted the mirrors, and he’s already parked and asking what’s for dinner.
Before trading him in, have a loving conversation outside the moment. Tell him you’d enjoy a slower pace, more back-and-forth, and a little more imagination in his writing. Share examples of what you like and let him practice. A deluxe mesh purchase does not automatically include the Shakespeare expansion pack.
You clearly adore the man, so give him directions instead of hoping he’ll discover the route. But make one thing clear: “Was it good for you?” should be a question, not a statement he answers himself.
Yours behind the sunglasses,
Asking for an Alt
“She Came. She Sparkled. She Crashed the Sim.”
From: Blinged, Bedazzled & Blamed for the Lag
Dear Asking,
How many accessories are too many? I started with earrings and a necklace, but then decided I needed some bracelets, perhaps a belt, and somehow a tiara got involved.
Now my friends say I need to take something off, but I feel like they’re just jealous of my sparkle. Where do you draw the line between fabulously styled and a chandelier with legs?
Signed,
Blinged, Bedazzled & Blamed for the Lag
Dear Blinged, Bedazzled & Blamed for the Lag,
Darling, the moment a tiara “somehow got involved,” we passed styling and entered a coronation. My rule is simple: if you can still turn your head without filing an insurance claim, there’s room for earrings.
However, if your friends are hanging their coats on you or a yacht is using you to find the harbor, perhaps remove a bracelet.
We don’t want you feeling naked. And before you accuse them of being jealous, check that they aren’t simply squinting, you may have confused admiration with temporary blindness.
Yours behind the sunglasses,
Asking for an Alt
That’s a wrap for this edition of Asking for an Alt! Remember: a song dedication isn’t a proposal, romance deserves more than a demo, and your accessories shouldn’t need their own region. Stay fabulous,and if you recognized yourself in this week’s column, relax. We’ll tell everyone it was your alt.
Yours behind the sunglasses,
Asking for an Alt
Questions and Answers to this Column were brought to you by SLInsiderTeam Members:
Chantilly
VirtualWanderer
Samual Wetherby
Meycy
