Hello Dear Readers! Welcome to this week’s edition, where I’m answering more thrilling questions with equally chilling answers. When this old world starts getting you down, you know what to do! Ask Lark!
Dear Lark –
I have a dear friend on Second Life. We’ve been through many ups and downs and managed to stay besties through it all. She’s had a rough time of it, health wise… or has she?
It seems that every time I talk to her, she’s got another dire diagnosis. She’s nearly succumbed to a brain tumor. I swear she’s had her appendix out twice. And the cancers? She wears pink, red, blue and green ribbons for all the cancers she’s lived with. I think she watches too many Lifetime Movies and is basing her ‘disease du jour’ on them. How do I get her to come clean?
Signed – Not a Doctor in SL
Dear Not a Doctor –
Your friend sounds like a master of dramatic flair. But when the plot twists start piling up like reruns, it’s natural to wonder whether you’re living a friendship or watching a performance.
Here’s the thing: confronting someone about exaggerated or fabricated illness is delicate. If she is struggling, you don’t want to add to her pain. If she’s not, you don’t want to keep playing nurse in a never-ending soap opera.
Instead of asking her to “come clean,” try asking how she’s really doing, emotionally, not medically. Say something like: “You’ve been through so much lately. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” This opens the door for honesty without accusation. If she’s embellishing, she may be craving attention, connection, or control. You’re offering her a safer way to express that.
If she’s wearing every cancer ribbon in the box, you can gently ask: “I’ve noticed you’ve mentioned a lot of serious health issues lately. Are you getting support offline too?” This can nudge her toward reality, without calling her out. If she’s vague or evasive, that’s telling. If she’s defensive, you’ve hit a nerve.
Whether she’s ill or imaginative, you’re allowed to set boundaries. You don’t have to play caretaker. You can say:
“I care about you deeply, but I’m feeling overwhelmed by all the crisis talk. Can we focus on the fun parts of our friendship for a while?”If she truly values your bond, she’ll respect that. If she thrives on drama, she may push back, but that’s your cue to reconsider the truth of your friendship.
You’re not wrong to question the plot. Just don’t become the villain in her narrative. Offer compassion, and ask for clarity. Whether she’s battling illness or boredom, you deserve a friendship that’s real, even in a virtual world.
Signed -Lark
Dear Lark –
I’ve got a real problem and don’t know how to solve it. The woman who designed my sim, and was my good friend has stopped coming in-world. I don’t know what’s happened. I’ve had no word or sign of her for almost a year. Could she have passed? Is she happier in Roblox or Sansar? I need to change my sim, but more importantly, I miss her! I experience her loss daily in looking at all she created. How can I deal with this?
Signed – Worried In World
Dear Worried –
Grief in virtual worlds is a strange beast. It doesn’t wear black or send flower, it lingers in the grass on the hillside, or in the silence of a once-busy chat window. Your friend’s absence is real. And the ache you feel when you walk through her creations? That’s love, loss, and longing, all tangled up.
Let’s unpack this gently.
She may have passed. She may have pivoted to Roblox, or simply needed a break. The truth is, you may never know. And that ambiguity is its own kind of grief. So give yourself permission to mourn, not just her, but the not knowing. That’s a heavy load.
Before you change the sim, consider archiving what she built. Save textures, builds and layouts, whatever you can. Not just for nostalgia, but as a tribute. Then, when you’re ready, start reshaping the space. Not to erase her, but to make room for you. Think of it as planting new flowers in a garden she designed.
Create a small memorial in-world. A gazebo, a hidden room, a wall hanging with her favorite quote. Something quiet and beautiful. It’s not just for her, it’s for you. A place to sit with the absence and let it soften.
Loss in Second Life is real. So is love. So is rebirth. You’re allowed to miss her, reshape your world, and still hold space for hope. That’s not a contradiction, it’s life.
Signed – Lark
Dear Lark –
I saw two furries at my grocery store in Real. What is going on here?
Signed – Dazed and Confused
Dear Dazed –
What’s going on? Oh, just your average Tuesday in the multiverse.
You, my friend, have stumbled into the delightful overlap of subculture and supermarket. Furries aren’t just confined to virtual worlds. Sometimes they need almond milk and frozen waffles too. For some, wearing ears, tails, or full furry suits is an expression of self, not just a costume. Think of it like goths in eyeliner or punks with Mohawks. It’s not a phase, Mom, it’s a lifestyle. Some furries enjoy the joy and surprise their presence brings. A grocery store becomes a stage. You just happened to be in the audience. So what should you do when you see furries in the wild? Smile. Nod. Maybe compliment the tail if it’s particularly majestic. Then go back to choosing your cereal. They’re not hurting anyone, and honestly, they’re probably more polite than half the folks in the express lane.
The world is weird, wonderful, and increasingly porous between Real and virtual. You’re just living in a time when avatars sometimes need avocados.
Signed – Lark
Dear Lark,
I’m starting to feel like the fairy godmother of Second Life. Always gifting, always generous, always met with… silence. My girlfriend, someone I’ve known and cared about for a long time, never thanks me when I send her gifts. No IM, no emoji, not even a “lol cute.” And she never, ever returns the favor.
It’s not about the stuff. I don’t need a tiara or a sparkling bracelet in return. But I do need to feel appreciated. Like my gestures mean something. Instead, I’m left wondering if she even notices,or worse, if she expects it.
I’ve tried to brush it off. But the truth is, it’s starting to sting. Is it petty to want a thank-you? Or am I just finally noticing that this relationship might not be as mutual as I thought?
Signed – No Thanks
Dear No –
You gift, they ghost or worse, they shrug. In Second Life as in Real, a thank-you should be the bare minimum. So what’s going on? Some folks see gifts as tokens of affection, others as transactions. If you’re gifting with the hope of gratitude or return, and they’re receiving with a shrug, you’re playing different games.
Try saying:“Hey, I love sharing things with you, but I’ve noticed you don’t usually respond. Is everything okay?” This isn’t a guilt trip, it’s a gentle nudge. You’re not asking for a parade, just a little acknowledgment. If the pattern continues, shift your gifting habits. Generosity should feel joyful, not obligatory. You’re allowed to stop giving when it starts feeling like a joke.
So, in the long run, consider: Is this a one-sided dynamic beyond the gifts? If your girlfriend consistently takes without giving, it might be time to recalibrate the relationship. SL friendships, like RL ones, thrive on care on both sides. Bottom line? You deserve appreciation. Whether it’s a thank-you, a returned favor, or just an “OMG I love this!”, your kindness should be seen. If it’s not, maybe it’s time to gift yourself some boundaries.
Signed – Lark
Thank you, Dear Readers, for sticking with me through another week. Send me your questions for next week and I’ll give you the absolute truth, As Seen By Lark. 🙂
